Two Week Wait is Over and…

I’m not pregnant 🙁

If  you have no idea what I’m talking about you can read about it here, and here.  Basically we went through infertility treatments and a week ago I was patiently waiting out my two week wait.

I’ll be honest, I thought I was 100% pregnant.  My breasts were sore (sorry TMI), I was nauseous, I was fatigued and I was starving.  All signs I had experienced in my prior pregnancies (1 viable 4 miscarried).  Then one day I woke up and I felt normal.  Just like with my past miscarriages, all my symptoms were gone and almost immediately I started spotting.  Lightly at first so when I spoke with the nurse she said to wait to take my at home test for another day (all this started happening the day before my two week wait was over).   While she sounded hopeful, deep down I knew what was happening.

That night I lost it.  I honestly thought I was miscarrying again and felt so mad at myself that I lost another one.  I spent the evening in my bed, crying and feeling sorry for myself.

Then I thought about the positive.  Yes there is a positive.

When we went in for our final appointment before we would do timed conception they were concerned because I had several large follicles.  The more follicles you have enlarged the higher your chance of multiples.  Since I was going out of town for Blogfest, we had to prolong the Trigger shot and timed conception a few days which increased my risk even more.

While we desperately want a baby, that’s all we want.  ONE baby.  Of course I know my chances of having multiples is higher by going that route.  However, when you hear the nurse say, “Let’s hope there’s no more than three in there.”  You get a little panicky.  Which is how I was feeling.

So when I began my period a few days after the spotting started I knew I hadn’t been pregnant and I honestly felt a bit relieved.

For one, I hadn’t experienced another miscarrige.  That’s HUGE for me!

For two, we weren’t pregnant with multiples!  Maybe a bit selfish on my part but even the doctor admitted that the way we had to go about doing things wasn’t routine.  Since I was going out of town they had less time to monitor me and my follicles.  So if and when I decided to go for round two I know they will have more control over my risks of multiples

Finally, I was a little excited because I started my cycle!  This was the first time I’ve had an actual period (on my own) in well over a year.  So to know that I could possibly track my own ovulation was pretty exciting.

So, where do we go from here?

It’s no secret I wasn’t thrilled about going the infertility treatment route.  I HATED putting the hormones/drugs into my body and really struggled with doing so.  I definitely experienced negative side effects and for over a month felt depressed, sad, and unhappy.  Yes, if we were to have gotten pregnant it all would have been worth it.  However, is this the route I want to go to get pregnant?  No.  Do I think I could possibly get pregnant on my own?  Yes, I do think so but I might need a little assistance to carry to term.   Part of what they did to assist me in getting pregnant was to thicken my uterine lining and get helped to get my hormones a little more balanced with estrogen and progesterone.  So part of my thought process right now is to try to go about doing things the old fashioned way, then supplement with progesterone and blood thinners (due to my MTHFR) once we do get pregnant.  I say “my thought process” because I haven’t yet met with my doctor to see what he thinks.

I am taking a month off though and just letting things be for a little bit.  First off  the nurse told me that I had so many enlarged follicles that there could still be a chance of having multiples if I were to get pregnant right now.  She even mentioned that they might skip a cycle or two due to that if we did decide to do another round.  Second I just want some time to breathe and work on me a little bit.  For the past two + years nearly everything has been about getting and staying pregnant.  I’m constantly worried about my cycle, what I’m eating, what exercises I’m doing, am I stressed, am I sleeping enough, am I taking enough supplements on and on and on…

Yes, I desperately want a baby and preferably before The Love Nugget starts college 😉  However, I know that taking care of me is equally – if not more important – than just working on a baby.  If I’m not 100% healthy in mind and body, will my baby be?  Or will I be during my pregnancy?   So for now I’m just chillin’.  Literally.  I’m enjoying exercising again.  (Don’t worry, keeping it mellow).  I’m planning a few fun things with friends, camping, and other adventures in the next month or so to just relax and enjoy life as it is now.  While we are definitely not giving up, I just need a little time to get back to being me.

So there you have it.  My two week update.  I had really hoped to be sharing much more positive news with you all but just know that we are happy and moving forward 🙂

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Comments

  1. Hey there…I don’t know how I missed your previous posts about IUI stuff but catching up now. I’m sorry to hear about the disappointment, but glad to hear you are thinking positively. I’m wishing you guys all the best and just hoping this works out soon soon soon and then you will barely remember all the hard stuff 🙁 Thinking of you! xoxo

  2. Genevieve says:

    Really glad to hear you’re taking some time for you. It’s about time 😉 xo

  3. I’m sorry to hear your news, but glad to hear you are taking some time for yourself. I’m always in awe of your positive thinking and that you are able to look at the good things throughout your struggle. Enjoy some you time mama!

  4. Hi Giselle! I think your positive attitude about this is amazing. What a tough situation to be in, but you’re right to find the silver lining. And here’s to hoping all things go your way soon, lady!

  5. I’m so sorry about your news. It’s hard to see the silver lining, but I commend you for staying positive. Hang in there and I’m sending you lots of positive vibes and hugs!

  6. I’m really sorry you didn’t get the news you were hoping for. Hopefully your doctors can help you make the right choices for your family going forward, and soon enough there will be a new addition to your family!

  7. Oh Giselle. I’m so sorry to hear this. But as always, your beautiful attitude shines. Have a glass of wine (I’m having one over here right now!) and enjoy focusing on you. 🙂 Your baby is going to be so perfect WHEN he/she gets here…can’t wait. 🙂

  8. I’m so sorry! Praying for you guys! I def understand the anticipation and then the letdown:( good luck and I’m glad you’re keeping positive.

  9. Giselle, I am SO sorry to hear this! I love that you are so honest with your posts and feelings. Praying for your family!

  10. Giselle, I’m so sorry you didn’t get the news you were hoping for but as always so amazed and inspired by your attitude.

    So excited for you to take some time to yourself and focus on YOU. I’m convinced you WILL get that baby and make all of this heartache and effort worth it.

    Lots of love and hugs to you. Keeping your whole family in my thoughts!

  11. I’m so sorry Giselle! I love how you reframe this sad news into something more positive!

  12. Hi! I just discovered your blog and wanted you to know I’m rooting for you. My daughter is a few months younger than your son and we’ve been TTC for quite a while to get #2 with a chemical, missed miscarriage, and many months of BFNs. Anyway, I’m new to your blog but I also got the news my TWW was over on the 17th. Ugh. <3

    • Giselle Schroer says:

      Thank you Ashley! I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through that too 🙁 I know just how frustrating it all is. Hoping for the best for you as well 🙂

  13. I cried big, fat tears when I read this. Giselle you are one of the strongest people I know and I wish I could give you a big hug. Your honesty and openness have helped those around me with working through some of their own battles. I am hoping with all hope that your sweet family has good news this next year. Sending love and positive thoughts.