Yesterday The Love Nugget was up at 5:15. I felt him crawl into bed beside me and thought, “maybe he’ll go back to sleep.” 10 minutes of him wiggling around, I rolled over and opened my eyes to see him wide awake staring at me. “Mom, I’m really hungry.”
I’m normally a morning person and don’t mind getting up early. Even when he wakes up early with me he’ll sit and read, color or hang out until we eat breakfast around 7:00. Today was not normal. We were both still recovering from a cold and I had stayed up late the night before. Although that was for a good reason (Girls night to see Magic Mike) I was still planning on sleeping in a bit. No such luck there. We were up and he was raring to go…
By 6:00 we were out the door walking the dogs. Which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing since it’s been so hot we haven’t been able to do much walking. However, it was just one of those mornings. The dogs kept barking at other dogs, they were pulling on their leashes and The Love Nugget was on fire. Running on peoples lawns, yelling at the dogs and jumping into sprinkler puddles. All fine things when it’s not 6:00 am.
To make my mood worse I decided to step on the scale which I hadn’t done in over a week. I mentioned the other day how I’ve noticed some unexpected weight gain with all the fertility stuff I’ve been doing. I was not however prepared to see the number on the scale. I honestly haven’t been this heavy since I was pregnant with The Love Nugget and I’m really struggling with it. Yes I know it’s for a good cause but sometimes it’s hard to see the end result…
I decided to get over the number and get on with my day. After a trip to the gym we came home and I started getting ready for a lunch date with a friend. While upstairs I heard the water turn on downstairs. Usually The Love Nugget is pretty good at keeping himself happily entertained without causing problems while I get ready. Today was not one of those usual days. I came downstairs to find water all over our floor (which I had just mopped the day before), counters, and out the wide open door as flies happily flew into our house. Yeah… one of those days.
Luckily, I was able to enjoy a fun lunch catching up with a good friend who lives in Seattle. The Love Nugget was good, the food (we ate at Green Boheme) was awesome, and seeing an old friend was great.
Once returning home though things quickly went downhill. Keeping my four year old entertained can often be a hefty job. He’s always been the type of kid who moves from one thing to the next very quickly but lately it’s been draining. I get out a fun coloring activity, he’s done in 5 minutes.
“What can we do next.” I give him a cool science experiment to do.
Over it in two minutes. “Now what mom?” Get out a new building activity and tell him to use his imagination to build something cool.
He’s making a mess pouring water onto it within 10 minutes. One thing after another, after another.
Feeling drained I take a break to go upstairs and change into some shorts since it’s a billion degrees and we are trying not to blast the AC all day long. I grab a pair from last year and… they don’t fit. I grab a different pair, don’t fit. I lose it.
Hot, puffy, bloated, frustrated, angry and tired I sit down in my closet and cry.
I feel like through the past two years with all we’ve been through I’ve been able to remain somewhat positive. Sometimes though it’s hard. Sometimes I get mad at myself that I’m in this situation. Sometimes I think it would just be easier to stop taking all the hormones, supplements, etc. and go back to living my life the way I used to. Sometimes I think maybe one kid is enough.
Then I look back in my phone and see pictures like this,
Or videos like this one,
Or friends kids playing together, holding hands, having fun together and realize how much I want that for all of us.
It’s these moments that I have to remember on days like yesterday when my hormones are raging, I’m tired, frustrated, and The Love Nugget is driving me insane. We want another baby. Period. It might not be happening the way we planned. We might have to go through more struggles than we expected to but in the long run it will be worth it 🙂
For now I’ll take advantage of my lack of pregnancy and enjoy a glass of vino after a long day like this one.
Thanks for listening to me rant. Today is a new day and I know it will be a much better one 🙂